Car 54, Where Are You?

★ 7.3 · 1961 · 30m · Comedy

The misadventures of two of New York's finest in the 53rd precinct in the Bronx. Toody, the short, stocky and dim-witted one, either saves the day or messes things up, much to the chagrin of Muldoon, the tall, lanky and smart one.

Episodes

1. Who's for Swordfish?30m · In the pilot, the boys are desperate to angle for swordfish. After shift-swapping with the entire precinct and avoiding any issuance of tickets (to avert court duty), will they go?

2. Something Nice for Sol30m · Gunther Toody drives the entire station batty chairing the committee to get everyone's favorite desk Sgt. Sol Abrams a surprise 25 year present. Toody keeps changing his little mind seeking the perfect gift, and insists on parliamentary procedure for meetings. Abrams' sore feet confine him to desk work, so he worries that it'll be 25 and out, if the brass find out how bad the precinct's sweetheart's hurting.

3. Home Sweet Sing Sing30m · The boys use extraordinary techniques to rehabilitate a recently released petty thief. Unfortunately, Benny has other ideas.

4. Change Your Partner30m · Toody and Muldoon's 9 blissful years as partners stun a researcher who finds the average prowl car pair last only 16 months before screaming to be switched. If the NYPD management engineer can discover their secret and replicate it, that'll save the blue brass many headaches. But Gunther and Francis' precinct mates don't want to know what actually goes on in Car 54, or even worse: can New York's finest clone empty-headed chatterbox Toody and somber, cerebral Muldoon ?

5. I Won't Go30m · Introducing Mrs. Bronson, the sweet Jewish grandmother confounding the boys at the 53rd as well as New York City's bureaucracy.

6. Muldoon's Star30m · Toody convinces 'Tessie the Torso', a buxom sex-symbol, to stay at Francis's mother's house. It turns out, Muldoon is a huge fan.

7. The Paint Job30m · A car thieving ring is using an auto body shop to paint stolen cars and resell them. The 53rd is down to only two patrol cars, so the boys are desperate to keep their beloved car 54. When it's damaged by a pulled-over driver, they take it to the same repair shop.

8. Love Finds Muldoon30m · Lucille plays matchmaker for Francis.

9. The Gypsy Curse30m · The boys are told to shut down a gypsy ripoff artist, and when they do, the gypsy puts a curse on Toody.

10. Thirty Days Notice30m · Gunther and Lucille Toody give their landlord notice because they're fed up with their crumbling apartment.

11. Catch Me on the Paar Show30m · After a chance traffic stop with Hugh Downs, Gunther finagles an appearance on the Jack Paar show of a fellow officer he thinks is funny.

12. The Taming of Lucille30m · Toody is feeling henpecked by Lucille, but musters the courage to become king of his castle after seeing a stirring performance of Shakespeare's "The Taming of the Shrew."

13. Put It in the Bank30m · The 53rd Precinct's Brotherhood Club's newly elected treasurer Gunther Toody is determined to invest their hard-earned $800 in the stock market despite the protests of his fiscally conservative colleagues.

14. Get Well, Officer Schnauser30m · While Schnauser is laid up in the hospital, Toody is tapped by the FBI to go undercover to help them nab notorious bank robber "No Face."

15. Christmas at the 53rd30m · The boys from the 53rd put on a Christmas review. Two Gilbert & Sullivan parodies featuring Capt. Block & Muldoon, a heart-tugging song from Toody, and other sketches.

16. The Sacrifice30m · Muldoon's the big expert on rules and regulations, but he's scared to take the test to become a sergeant.

17. Boom, Boom, Boom30m · The boys are attempting to win the barbershop quartet competition for "the old man" Capt. Block. The rules require all 163 quartets to perform the same song, which drives poor Jan Murray to insanity.

18. Toody & Muldoon Crack Down30m · After the police chief drives through Toody & Muldoon's sector, he's so angered by the scores of violations he sees he orders an investigation - with surprising results.

19. Toody's Paradise30m · Toody is on an undercover detail in Brooklyn with a female cop as his wife and a small boy as his child. When Lucille's sister spots him there, the rumors start flying wildly.

20. How High Is Up?30m · Muldoon discovers he's grown an inch to 6-foot-seven, putting him one inch over the police regulation and putting him over the edge with paranoia about his height.

21. Toody and the Art World30m · Toody is the only person who can appreciate Karpathia's abstract masterpiece, "Lower Manhattan at Sunset (from the New Jersey Side)." This episode features an inspired performance from Severn Darden.

22. What Happened to Thursday?30m · The 53rd is embarrassed by the domestic dispute calls that come every Thursday night - from the Schnausers. Toody convinces Leo (along w/the rest of the boys) that Thursday's actually Friday leading to expected hilarious confusion.

23. How Smart Can You Get?30m · The smartest rookie cop is assigned to ride w/chatty Toody & reticent Muldoon. Can Car 54 survive, now that Muldoon has stimulating conversation?

24. Today I Am a Man30m · Tired of being stereotyped as a mama's boy, Muldoon feigns having a hot date at "the hottest club in the Bronx". When his bluff is called by doubting coworkers, he quickly commandeers a puritan family who gets the wrong impression from his weapon!

25. No More Pickpockets30m · The boys go under cover at Yankee Stadium to stem the onslaught of pickpockets. One skilled pilferer turns the tide on Toody; who ends up arrested?

26. The Beast Who Walked the Bronx30m · Burkholtz, relegated to the Lost & Found for 15 years due to his extreme laxity is the only choice to sub for Capt. Block on his forced two week vacation. The boys mistake his absence from active duty thinking it's because he was too tough!

27. The Courtship of Sylvia Schnauser30m · Leo and Sylvia Schnauser decide to renew their vows with a large wedding ceremony.

28. The Auction30m · The boys of the 53rd Precinct pull together to buy Captain Block the matching Aleutian Ceremonial Chair he desires to complete his set.

29. Quiet! We're Thinking30m · Gunther and Lucille's 11-year-old nephew Marvin, in the Big Apple for a Boy Scout event, helps Toody and Muldoon crack the cases that have flummoxed New York's Finest.

30. I Love Lucille30m · Lucille dyes her hair to get Gunther to notice her, and when he finally does, look out.

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